What's Up With Wufei?
What's Up with Wufei?
By: Jerr Conner
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, or Mark from
Empire Records, or the Rocky Horror Picture Show,
so please don't sue me!
WARNING: Contains one element of Yuri, one
elements of yaoi, and three elements of non-yaoi
and alot of out-of-character acting.
Relena was freaked, what the hell was Wufei doing now?
Lately, he had been acting...well...odd! Wufei was
actually...EGADS...SMILING! Wufei never smiled! Then
there were the roses that she found, correction, rose
petals, all over her bed. 'What's up with Wufei?' she
thought to herself. In fact she was also wondering
what was up with three other people as well, they'd
all been acting strange for this whole week...
* * *
Flashback to a week ago
Wufei just kept staring, and staring, and staring at
his new-found love interest. He never thought it
possible...him...in love with Relena! Why did he have
to fall in love with her? That's what Heero had asked
a day ago when he caught Wufei staring at his girl.
Now normally Heero would kill someone for thinking
that they could get his girlfriend, but Heero didn't
think Wufei was a threat.
Wufei snuck over to Relena's closet when she left her
room. He normally didn't like the color of a pink
room...but anything for his beloved Relena. Wufei
opened the closet door and picked up an armful of
shoes. He snickered to himself as he tiptoed away with
the shoes. All these lovely little momentoes of Relena
Darlian/Peacecraft. When he finally got to his own
room in the Castle of the Cinq Kingdom, he opened the
door. Can we say un-healthy obbssession? In the room
was pictures of Relena plastered all over the wall,
and their was a life-size doll in the corner of the
room dressed like her. Wufei and Dorothy had made a
secret club recently dedicated to their beloved
Wufie dumped the shoes on the floor and started to
glue them in any place. He so delicately put a pair
onto the life-size Relena doll. When he turned around,
after he was done with his work, he encountered
"Ahh, Wufei, I see you have found Miss Relena's shoes
somewhere, may I inquire how you have found them?"
Wufei's face had a devilish smile, "I snuck into the
Great One's room, and took them. Soon Dorothy, very
soon, she will be ours. Yuy will never have her!"
With that they both let out evil laughs as their faces
contorted into odd shapes and looks...it was all
coming to plan.
In Relena's room
"Duo, what are you doing in here?"
Duo jumped up and made a noise that sounded like an
eep when he heard Relena talk. He also almost dropped
some of the clothing he had stuffed into his shirt.
"Oh nothing, Relena, I was just wondering if you'd
like to go to the garden with me."
"Well sorry Duo, I have lots of work today, I'll take
a raincheck though."
Before Duo left the room, he slid by Relena's drawer
when she wasn't looking and stole one of her sweaters.
He left the room in glee, now he owned a part, or
several parts, of Relena Darlian. He remembered when
he first saw her, a delicate angel whose long golden
hair was being blown into the breeze. He almost cried,
he was about to cry. So lovely, very very lovely. And
oh how he wished he could ask her for make-up tips!
Quatre got ready to go to the garden and have his
lunch, when he heard Dorothy enter the room. "Quatre
Raberba Winner, we meet again..."
Quatre rollled his eyes in annoyance, it was the
Relena-Wannabe (AS if she could replace Relena he
thought to himself) and his arch-nemisis, Dorothy
Catolonia. "Dorothy, not now..."
"I challenge you to a duel..."
"NO MORE DUELS!" he screamed.
"But only I will have Relena..."
He really would like to shoot her, that or dump
Dorothy in a vat of acid and hear her squeal, the only
other opposition other than Yuy to Relena. He really
loved Relena. Well all was goin according to plan
* * *
Relena decided to go and see what was up, she picked
the lock to Wufei's room, and what a shock she had.
Pictures everywhere! Her shoes...her missing shoes!
What are they doing here? she asked herself mentally.
Then she noticed a drawing of a Chibi-Wufei snuggling
with a Chibi-Relena, who was saying, Hold me my lovely
Wuffie Ooffy! "Wuffie ooffy?" she asked out loud.
This was starting to freak her out...
Freaking her out so bad that she was about ready to
scream out loud, but she had to remain calm. No use in
letting her stalker know that she knew that he was
stalking her. So Relena got up, then she turned around,
and ran straight into Wufei! "Well my Beloved, you
have found me and Dorothy's secret!"
Relena's eyes went wide, DOROTHY! Then she
remembered, yep, Dorothy wanted to be so much like
her that she probably developed an obssession with
Relena. "Stay away from me you freaks!"
Relena tried to run, but Wufei grabbed her and said
with the most evil-sounding voice and the most happy
expression on his face, "But I'm your Wuffie Ooofy!"
Just then, Duo entered the room. But Duo wasn't
dressed like Duo normally dressed. Relena let out a
gasp, Duo was wearing her favorite sweater and skirt!
What was he doing!? Then, Duo spoke, "Wufei, if
she's gonna be anyone's girlfriend, she's gonna be mine,
Pally!" (Yep, stole that from english dub, the Pally part)
Relena couldn't believe this, Duo, a crush on her!?
What was next...Quatre!? That question was answered
as one of Wufei's windows broke and in came swinging
Quatre, on a rope. As soon as he landed, he withdrew
a pistol and aimed at Wufei. "Let her go, she is mine!"
Relena couldn't take anymore, she immediately bought
her knee up and Wufei went crashing to the floor.
Quatre, caught off guard by surprise, stepped
backwards, and tripped over the life-size Relena doll.
Relena quickly caught the gun that flew out of Quat's
She held the gun up as Duo, Wufei, and Quatre lined
up side-by-side. "Relena," said Wufei, in a too-calm
voice, "Give us the gun, we won't hurt you..."
"NO! Get away from me!"
"But, I'm your Wuffie Ooffy!"
"Yea," said Duo, "It's obvious she loves me...after all I
have her fashion sense in mind..."
Relena almost gagged, Duo looked so not GOOD in
her clothing...maybe that dress she had when she was
queen of the world, but her normal clothing!? Now she
knew he was OBSSESSED! Anyway, that eye-
liner...where did he learn how to apply make-up...at the
Mimi Bobeck School of Beauty!? (Author's Note:
Mimi is a character on Drew Carey)
She definitely had to get out of the room, then appeard
Dorothy, with a whip. The whip made it's whipping
noise as it encircled the gun and pulled it out of
Relena's hand. "OUCH! That hurt Dorothy!"
"Oh Miss Relena, we can't have you leaving now that
you know all of our secrets..."
They all quickly tied her to a chair. Relena wished that
she had had a chance to slap Dorothy when she had the
chance, and shave off those god-awful cockroache
eyebrows! But all was not going according to
plan...Quatre was not going to get to woo Relena off of
her feet...Duo wasn't going to be Relena's lover and a
Relena-Look alike...Wufei wasn't going to be called
Wuffie Ooffy...and Dorothy wasn't going to get to be
anything like Relena...all because the OTHERS
inteferred! Everyone was thinking the same thing except
Relena, Relena was thinking, WHAT IS IT ABOUT
ME THAT THEY ARE OBSSESSED WITH!
Everyone was thinking the others, the ones who loved
Relena as well! "Quatre..." began Dorothy, "Rebarba
Winner, I challenge you to a duel..."
Quatre took out a fencing sword, and the duel
commenced, Duo and Wufei were just wrestling each
other on the floor like 8-year olds arguing over legos!
Relena really wished she didn't have to watch this
pathetic display over her. Then, she remembered
something, she had a pocket knife in her back pocket.
Not a good enough knife to fight off her captors but
nice enough to cut rope with. She worked her hand into
her back pocket, pulled out the knife, and cut the
ropes. She ran out of the room at top speed, the
stalkers followed her...
Mark as they all ran past him. (Author's note: Mark is a
character on Empire Records, I just qouted him)
Relena ran down the stairs, only to see Wufei jump in
front of her, why was he wearing fishnet stalkings on his
legs!? "You better wise up..."
Oh NO! He was qouting Rocky Horror! (Author's
note: For those who don't know, Rocky Horror Picture
Show is a musical from the late 60's that was made into
a film, that became a cult classic) She bought up her
knee again, and he keeled over again. She kept on
running down the stairs. Unfortunate for Dorothy and
Quatre, they both were about to pounce on her when
she stopped, they came falling down the stairs. They
drew their swords and started sword-fighting again.
Relena ran out the door, and encountered Heero.
"HEERO! MY HERO!"
Heero hugged Relena, and asked her what was going
on, and after he heard what she said, a gigantic
sweatdrop formed on the back of her head as he held
his right fist up high, squinted his eyes into tiny slots, and
screamed Omae O Korusu at the 4 stalkers of Relena
as he ran into the house. (Author's note: Omae O
Korusu=I will kill you)
Relena couldn't even watch, all she heard was
THUMP! SMACK! THWAP! as Heero, her hero,
beat up the stalkers. When everyone emerged from the
castle, Duo, Dorothy, Quatre, and Wufei were sporting
black eyes, bruises, bloody noses, and split lips as they
were commanded by Heero. Stars appeared in
Relena's eyes as she clasped her hands together and
told Heero thank you.
"SAY IT!" barked out Heero.
Together the stalkers said it, "We're sorry Miss
"That's better," said Heero.
He put his arm around Relena as they walked to
Heero's motorcycle. When they were safely seated,
Relena gunned the engine, and off they were! Finally,
they all looked at each other. "There's no JUSTICE!"
Ranted Wufei. Everyone started crying...crying alot,
waterfalls of tears.
Then, Trowa appeared. He let out a gasp as he saw
Quatre. "Quatre, let's get you to your bedroom, and I'll
clean you right up."
Trowa grabbed Quatre's hand and off they went.
Hilde came around, and saw Duo, "Not AGAIN!
Next time, use my clothes!"
She grabbed his hand and off they went.
Then Sally Po came around the corner and saw Wufei,
"Awww, my poor little Wuffie Ooffy! Let me take you
home and fix you up!"
She picked him up in her arms as he cried into her
Then Dorothy asked out loud, "Who am I to be paired
up with!? There's no one left!!"
Just then, a boy walked out to the court-yard, he had
blond hair and cockroache eyebrows. "Oh," said
Dorothy, "He'll do..."
By The WAY: anyone who can draw Fanart, I'd love to see some scenes from my story. i would especially laugh if i saw a picture of Duo in Relena's clothing. (Especially the DRESS! Queen of the World one)